I have titled my testimony "An Almost Christian Discovered," because the Lord used a book entitled The Almost Christian Discovered by Matthew Mead, to help me understand the differences between genuine salvation and false salvation. I read the book two years ago, because I was concerned about the genuineness of my own salvation. The Lord used that book, and several others like it, to show me that faith without the forsaking of sin was not saving faith.

Fourteen years ago, on Monday, March 10th, 1980, at 3:20 PM; I bowed my head and asked Jesus to come into my heart, forgive me of my sins, and be my Lord. Now according to the prevailing theology of this age, I became a Christian that day. And from that day on, I did indeed profess to know Christ.

The problem was that although in my intellect I had accepted and believed that Jesus Christ is God, and that I needed to be saved; my prayer was insincere because in my heart I was not ready to give up all of my sins and be clean. I wanted to give up almost all of my sins. Because of that, I became an almost Christian; and an almost Christian is almost saved. Now to explain how I came to realize that I was not saved, I need you to consider some scripture with me.

Examine Matt. 13:18-23. You will notice that in each of the first three soils there was either no growth, or the plants that grew were thorns and thistles. In the first three cases, the ground was not prepared to receive the good seed. The first was hard; the seed never got planted and was snatched away. The second soil was full of rocks, and nothing could grow in it. The third soil was full of weeds, and the good seed was choked out before it could grow. In each of these three cases the people whose lives the soils represent were not saved. "How do you know that?" you may say. No fruit. Life bears fruit. When you plant a garden, don't you pull all of the weeds, dig up the rocks, and break up the soil before you plant the seed you want to grow? This is necessary with the spiritual garden of our hearts as well. Nothing good can grow until the soil of our heart is broken and soft, and the weeds and rocks of sin are pulled out.

Turn back a few pages to and read Matt. 7:16-20. Jesus says that we shall know what is in the heart by the fruit that it produces.

Outwardly, I did all of the right things. I had even been described as a "Super Christian." I went to church regularly, read my Bible, prayed often, memorized scripture, witnessed to others, and even taught Bible studies. But inwardly, I was like a Pharisee. Consider Matt. 23:27-28. Like the Pharisees, I was one who outwardly appeared righteous, but inwardly my thoughts were full of anger, lust, and pride.

Now consider Galatians 5:19-21. You see, not all of the sins listed here are external. Actually, it is the sins of the mind, not the external sins, that are the most dangerous. This is because the sins of the mind have only the conscience to prevent them. They also assault your conscience and blind you to the reality of your condition. Sins of the mind are like a cancer that goes undetected until it has taken over the whole body and destroyed it.

Now let's look back at Matt. 7:21. What does the Lord say? "Not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of Heaven; but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." Almost sounds like works, doesn't it? But it is not. Who does the will of the Father? Only those who have been cleansed from the inside out. What is the will of the Father? The obedience of love from a pure heart and a sincere faith.

You see, the evidence of true faith is that it produces Godly sorrow in the heart and brings forth repentance. True faith leads to a changed heart — and it is from the heart, that is: in your thoughts, your affections and your desires — that genuine salvation is revealed. Look at 2 Corinthians 7:10. If there is no Godly sorrow in the heart and no repentance, the faith is not genuine. Remember what the Lord said in Matt. 7:22-23: "Many will say to me on that day 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?'" Then comes the most chilling declaration anyone could hear: "I NEVER knew you; depart from me, you who practice iniquity." Who is the one who practices iniquity? The one whose heart was never cleansed.

If God had not brought me to the point of repentance, I would have been condemned knowing I had rejected Christ. Knowing I had an opportunity to be cleansed by God and refused. Knowing that God was my enemy when He could have been my dearest friend and loving Father. Knowing that I got exactly what I deserved. Indeed, all who reject Christ will be condemned in the lake of fire knowing exactly what they have done.

Now, let me say that for a long time, the past four years actually, I really did not know if I was genuinely saved or not. I had doubts, yet I also had all of those outward performances, as well as my original commitment to point to. I knew that my sins were wrong and displeasing to God, and I didn't want to displease God, but I could not stop. Even though I could not stop sinning, I did not think my life was "characterized by sin", because I would confess my sins to Him. Romans 8:5-7 says that the mind of the unsaved person is unable to keep from sin. I rationalized away the fact that as soon as I confessed my sin, I went right back to it. Why? Because of the original decision that I thought I had made. Still, Matthew 7:22-23 kept nagging me. "What will He say? What will He say?" "Well done, my good and faithful servant", or Depart from me?" I didn't want to admit it, but I somehow knew in my heart that it would not be "Well Done." The possibility that I was not saved terrified me. "How could I have been wrong for all of these years?! How can I possibly start all over?! What will everyone think?" It can be pretty difficult when you look in the mirror and see Judas staring back at you.

Finally, God turned up the heat and knocked out all of the things that propped up my delusion. I experienced extended unemployment, financial difficulties, job failure, family troubles, and other problems. As those trials came, did I run to God? No. I was angry, and argued with Him. I also began to indulge my mind in increasingly wicked and vengeful thoughts as I tried to escape the reality of what was going on in my life. God used the trials to reveal to me the true condition of my heart.

But, by the kind providence and extreme grace of God, He finally boxed me in and brought a heavy conviction upon my heart. On September 4th, 1994, I came clean. I confessed all of my sins, this time from the heart, and made peace with God. Finally, after years of having nagging doubts in the back of my mind, after fourteen years being a world class hypocrite; and after 33 years of being unclean, offensive to God, and on my way to certain destruction; I belong to Him. How flagrantly I had abused His Costly Grace. At any moment He could have snuffed out my life and I would have been lost forever. It is impossible for me to tell you exactly how relieved and thankful I am to finally belong to God. One thing I can certainly say, however, is that salvation is not such an easy thing as men suppose. We must believe, that is true. But it is equally true that a person cannot be saved unless God first prepares that person's heart and then draws that person to Himself.